Category Archives: Bacon FAIL

Failures in bacon history. Things that should not be.

Review: Breakfast Bakes

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I am not a big breakfast person and I get up fairly early for work. So, I am always looking for something easy and quick to grab on the way out the door. I am willing to give a few minutes in the microwave if it’s worth it, but no more….. and if there’s bacon, EVEN BETTER!

Well, our grocery store recently had Bob Evans Breakfast Bakes BOGO. I said, sure – why not. I picked up two boxes of the Bacon, Egg & Cheese. It would be nice to try Bob Evans without being surrounded by racism. (No, really. I ate there ONCE and this old guy was just going on and on… and the waitresses just catered to him.) But even that aside, I should have known better because when I did eat at the restaurant, I think my body literally went through the ultimate cleanse.

I was already upset that I had to put this thing in for 1 1/2 minutes and then flip and repeat. I’m not kidding when I said it has to be quick and one step.

The hash brown itself was extremely bland. You would find random chucks of onion but it was like they boiled the hell out of it first. And the cheese should have just been skipped because it was insulting. Very small and few pockets that most of the time cooked away from being gooey to that congealed grossness. I forgot it did say egg, right? I actually don’t remember coming across very much. It must have been literally smashed into the hash browns when they were forming that lovely standard “frozen hash brown look”. And I will say one thing in their favor – they used real bacon. But unfortunately, they used all the fatter grizzle and barely any meaty parts of the strips.

I must say, I must be a true masochist to have gone through the trials of Bob Evans. But no more. Never again.

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– Elle.

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April Fools’ Bacon!

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April Fools Day!!! Today is a day that you either despise with every fiber of your being or a day you look forward to and plan for all year. I think it has a lot to do with what side of the joke you’re usually on. I, of course, searched the world wide web for bacon findings associated with April Fools and pranks.


MARKETING/INTERNET PRANKS
PRANKS YOU CAN DO
NOT A JOKE BUT SHOULD BE


MARKETING/INTERNET PRANKS:

scope-bacon-mouthwash

76ab7bbb5a623f83dad97011fac44ec5

squeez-bacon

OrganicBacon_25lbs

a7dc376c99ff00ec9e3e9939cfaca3a1

diet_coke_bacon

original

9a1a8b3d2b63584208d06cccd5f427f9


PRANKS YOU CAN DO:

(Gift Boxes:)
BOXX-1943

hireshero.sizzl.1000_large

(Projects:)

Chocolate Covered Bacon Grease Prank (click for instructions)

Chocolate Covered Bacon Grease Prank (click for instructions)

Fake Bacon for the Kids: Candy for Breakfast

Fake Bacon for the Kids: Candy for Breakfast

Cheddar Chive and Bacon Cupfakes with Avocado Frosting

Cheddar Chive and Bacon Cupfakes with Avocado Frosting


NOT A JOKE BUT SHOULD BE:

J & D's has bacon shaving cream, bacon coffins, bacon baby formula, bacon weight loss drink, bacon sun screen, bacon lube, and bacon deodorant.  I'm really hoping most of these listed as "out of stock" are just jokes.  But I know for a fact that some of their other products that do indeed exist SHOULD be a joke.

J & D’s has bacon shaving cream, bacon coffins, bacon baby formula, bacon weight loss drink, bacon sun screen, bacon lube, and bacon deodorant. I’m really hoping most of these listed as “out of stock” are just jokes. But I know for a fact that some of their other products that do indeed exist SHOULD be a joke.





– Elle.

BACON FAIL: Decorating Your Christmas Tree with Real Bacon

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Bacon Today posted a “how-to” on making “Holiday Chocolate Covered Bacon Strip Ornaments” for your Christmas Tree. They look delicious and the recipe is easy to follow. But, I’m just going to repeat myself from my post “What NOT to do with Bacon This Christmas” that I posted in 2011: “Please. Please don’t decorate your Christmas Tree with REAL bacon. …..if you have pets, little kids, or just concerned about inviting some bugs in your home, then maybe it’s not a good idea.” I want to further push the issue about your pets, if you have any. Chocolate and your furry pets don’t mix well. Yes, yes, it can vary depending on if it’s dark or milk chocolate and the amount and how big your pet it. But do you want to chance it? Do you really want to tease your pets? And bring about a horrific mess to clean up?

If you refuse to listen to the above: Just think about the simple fact that chocolate melts and you more than likely have warm Christmas lights on that tree and nicely wrapped presents sitting directly under it all.

I do encourage everyone to follow through with the recipe and enjoy some festive bacon treats this holiday season. But please don’t put it on your Christmas Tree. Simply enjoy them as treats and not ornaments. I respect Bacon Today for all they do, but I just don’t believe real bacon should be used in decorating or sculpting unless you plan on actually eating it. And if you put it on your Christmas Tree, I can’t imagine it being very sanitary or (pending the time frame) even edible. And the risk to your pets is not worth it.

If you are looking to stock up on some Bacon Ornaments, check out: “Ornaments for the Bacon Nerd in Your Life“.



– Elle.